Certainly we've all heard the bromide that one should never discuss politics or
religion in polite conversation. It's been around for quite some time. In
Thomas E. Hill's 1884 book on how to communicate properly in social and business
settings, under the section entitled "Etiquette of Conversation" he warns his
readers against such exchanges because "to discuss those topics is to arouse
feeling without any good result."
1
Most people would be inclined to agree with this. Even evangelical Christians
wince at sharing their faith. Many times they can remember striking up a
conversation with a friend or family member, hopeful that they'll get to share
the Gospel, only to have it degenerate into a tense, loud, back and forth where
there's more heat than light exchanged.
But it doesn't have to be that way. With respect to Mr. Hill, conversations
about faith don't have to be disagreeable even when the participants disagree.
I've had many extended conversations with atheists who have actually thanked me
for discussing those issues with them. Previously, I explained how Christians
can easily and graciously
start God conversations by taking the" class photo" approach. Today, I'd
like to continue in that vein by discussing a second step that will help keep
the level of discourse high and the hurt feelings at a minimum.
Making sure you understand
Atheist Peter Boghossian likes to tell Christians their faith is "belief
without evidence" or "pretending to know something you don't know."
2 But this isn't what faith is and it isn't the faith the Bible describes. In
telling Christians what they believe and misrepresenting their understanding of
their own belief, Boghossian has created a caricature of the Christian
understanding of faith. He's set up
a straw man that is easy to knock down. Of course, being told that you are
pretending to know something you don't know is actually insulting and it shows
the other person isn't interested in really knowing what you believe or why you
believe it.
But atheists aren't the only ones who are guilty of such moves. Christians can
be equally as culpable. It's easy to dismiss atheists as people who only want
to live without any rules or some similar charge. Unless they've told you, you
don't really know what they believe about the point in question.
This means you need to ask them not only what they believe but why they believe
it. In fact, asking probably isn't enough, since we tend to interpret what we
hear through our own viewpoints and experiences. The best thing to do is repeat
their beliefs back to them using different wording and perhaps even an example.
Make their argument as if you held the same view they did use phrases like "Do
you mean..." and "So you believe X because you think Y is true."
By repeating their argument back to them, you'll find out a few very positive
things happen:
- First, the other person
will feel as though they're heard. They know you're listening to them.
- Second, it shows you care
about them. You aren't simply trying to "put another notch on your Bible" but
are truly trying to understand where he or she is coming from.
- Third, if you can accurately
represent someone's views before you've made your case, it will removes a lot of
his or her objections to your stance as being uninformed.
- Lastly, it helps you know
where you need to focus your attention in the discussion. I've previously
written how
asking questions of a Jehovah's Witness radically changed the direction of
our conversation.
So, don't be afraid to ask about a person's beliefs and the reasons they hold
them. Repeat them back. If you've misunderstood, then they will most likely
correct you. But make sure you get their position right before you attempt to
tell then why your position makes more sense. To do otherwise is simply
insulting.
References
