I couldn't believe my
ears. Did she really just say that? I was standing in front of a young woman and
her sister on the University of California, Berkeley campus. A friend and I had
engaged her in a conversation about objective morality and here she was saying
it wasn't even objectively wrong if a person wanted to rape her sister—and she
was saying this right in front of her!
Let me give you the whole story. As
part of our apologetics missions trips, we go to places like the Berkeley
campus, engage people in conversation, and share Christianity. If Christian
students learn how to defend their beliefs in a place like this, they will have
no problem doing so in their own colleges.
On this trip, I saw a young woman
holding a campaign sign for her friend who was running for student council, and
I struck up a conversation. We began with simple questions such as "Do you
believe in absolute right and wrong?" She replied that right and wrong are
relative to the individual. I asked, "But you're campaigning for your friend. By
campaigning, you are implying that he would do a better job representing
students than the other candidates. Doesn't that imply a concept of right and
wrong?" She quickly deferred, stating that the reason she was helping him is
simply because he had helped her in the past. He asked her to help, and so she
is doing so. There's no admission of an objective right or wrong in this.
I
pressed on, "What about absolute morality? Are there not certain things that are
always wrong?"
"No," she said. "I hold to certain values because of my
culture and what works for her, but there is no absolute standard for all
people."
"So stealing isn't wrong? If something of yours I stolen, you
wouldn't think the person is wrong that did it?"
"It's wrong for me to steal,
but another person may need to."
I'm familiar with such dodges. It's easy to
try and justify certain circumstances where a crime like stealing can be used to
wiggle out of an uncomfortable situation. Therefore, I pushed for a more black
and white example. "What about something like rape? Isn't that always wrong? If
a man came up to your sister and grabbed here, and he fully believed that he had
the right to take her. He felt convinced that he should be able to force sex
upon her, wouldn't it still be wrong for that man to rape your sister? You
wouldn't try to stop him?"
She simply replied "Well, I guess if he truly
believed he had the right, then it wouldn't be wrong for him."
Calling out
ridiculousness
As you can imagine, her sister wasn't very comfortable at that
response, yet she stayed silent through the exchange. Here's the point, though.
This girl was intelligent. She had been indoctrinated with a relativist view of
morality and she didn't want to abandon her views. As I've written in the past,
it is
really hard to change a belief. In our discussion, she was not willing to
give up on her relativism no matter what I said. Even in the rape example, she
had to admit that rape can be OK if she was going to save face. I've had similar
experiences with other topics, such as people trying to justify homosexuality
even when their position leads to incongruities like the permissibility of
incest or bestiality.
Sometimes, Christians who wind up in a discussion that
takes such a turn throw up their hands in frustration. They simply don't know
what to do next! How do you argue with that?
Here's my solution: call their
bluff. A lot of people see these kinds of talks like a chess match. You make a
move and they counter with a move of their own. The woman above was trying to
remain consistent, but she was doing so because to her the entire conversation
was in the abstract. The best thing to do is to break that mindset and bring it
back to reality.
Upon her reply, I looked her straight in the eye and said,
"You're lying. There's no way that if a man was really attacking your sister you
would excuse it. You'd be screaming your head off calling for police or anyone
to come and help because you really believe that rape is wrong. While you have
an intellectual argument for the opposite, in real life you would never let that
happen. There are people who truly believe that what's right is whatever is
right for them. We call the sociopaths and we lock them up because they are a
danger to society. Right now, in our discussion, you're simply trying to win the
argument, but you're doing so at a tremendous cost to the truth. I am truly
scared if you really believe that something like rape has any permissible
circumstances."
At all times I kept the conversation civil and never yelled
or pointed a finger. I did make my final statement with some level of authority.
She didn't agree with me, though. She maintained that this is what she believed
so I thanked her for her time and walked on.
You may believe such
interactions are wasted, but they are not. That woman will continue to think
about that conversation and what she said. (Her sister probably wanted to have a
conversation with her, too!) But God can use small things like this to provoke
people to reexamine their position. Changing beliefs takes time and one must
have patience even when the other person's position shows a contradiction.As you
go to defend your faith with others, don't let silly statement get a pass. The
statement that rape can sometimes be OK is an outrageous statement to make.
Imagine any newspaper or politician announcing such a thing. Outrageous
statements need to be met with an appropriate amount of incredulity. Be
courteous and respectful, but don't accept them in these conversations any more
than you would anywhere else. Ideas have consequences; don't allow for their
abuse.