A (Not Too) Serious Christmas Quiz

With Christmas rapidly approaching, mainstream media fills its coffers with tales of how Jesus never existed or why the traditional Christmas tale cannot be believed.  Therefore, I think it’s time for another of my a bit tongue-in-cheek quizzes, this time focusing on Christmas and its history. For previous quizzes, check here and here.

1. It’s believed that early Christians began celebrating Christmas on December 25 because:
1. If it was any earlier, stores would be hanging Christmas decorations right after the Fourth of July.
2. Given the complexity of assembling bikes and wagons, it needed to be one of the longest nights of the year.
3. They followed a tradition that Jesus’ death (thought to be on March 25 AD 30) would also be the anniversary of His conception.
4. Only those crazy Orthodox Christians want to hear Perry Como and Bing Crosby after the New Year begins.
2. How do we know that the Magi did not show up until up to two years after Jesus’ birth?
1. Because they’re men and they would have never asked for directions.
2. Because Matthew 2:11 describes Jesus and Mary now living in a house, and after Herod “determined from them the exact time the star appeared” gave an edict to kill all male children two years and younger.
3. It took them that long to wrap the gifts.
4. The roads from Mesopotamia to Jerusalem are always jammed with holiday traffic.
3. The accomplishments of the real St. Nicholas, who lived in the 4th century, include:
1. His later life in politics running against Burgermeister Meisterburger.
2. Being a true proto-hipster and ushering in the beard-cult.
3. Inspiring Nicholas Cage’s parents with an Internet-meme worthy name.
4. Attending the Council of Nicea and supporting the full divinity and humanity of Jesus, even to the extent of purportedly punching the heretic Arius in the face.
4. The Immaculate Conception refers to:
1. The Roman Catholic doctrine that Mary was conceived without original sin in order to bear the savior.
2. A new brand of cleaning product.
3. A brilliant idea for a concept car… and definitely NOT the clay model of the AMC Pacer or Gremlin.
4. No-mess adoption.
5. Bible scholars believe that since Bethlehem was such as small town, Jesus was most likely not born in a cave but in a back room of a relative’s home. The misconception stems from:
1. The Greek word katalyma which is translated “guest chamber” and could be used for a guest room or an Inn. It was also used in Mark 14:14 when Jesus sent his disciples to find a place to eat the Passover meal.
2. The need to give the kids who cannot act but only shake their heads “no” some kind of part in the Christmas play.
3. How dumb our Nativity scenes would look if an angel was perched on the roof next to a television antenna.
4. No one wanted their relatives to think that extended stays are somehow Biblical.
6. The Christmas phrase “Peace on Earth, Good will towards Men” refers to:
1. A misogynistic greeting that has no place in our cis-gendered society.
2. What you tell the store clerk when you’re trying to return that ugly sweater without a receipt.
3. God’s goodwill act of providing His Son as the way men could have peace with Him.
4. An archaic greeting which has been replaced by the now more popular “Keep the change, ya filthy animal!”
7. The practice of abbreviating Christmas as “Xmas” began because:
1. Large X’s would be placed on children’s back fences, serving as targets for their Red Ryder BB Guns.
2. It’s how people were crossed off the pot luck list if they ever showed up with a fruitcake.
3. Because people come into Christmas day eXhausted with their cash eXtinguished.
4. The X is not crossing out Jesus, but it represents the Greek letter Chi, which is the first letter for the Greek word Christ (Χριστοζ).
8. Early Church Father Tertullian taught that the Magi were instructed to leave “by another way” because:
1. Holiday traffic would be a killer.
2. They wanted to see the Dead Sea and maybe pick up some souvenirs at the gift shop.
3. Given their reliance on astrology and magic, the command symbolized God telling them to change their superstitious belief system.
4. They had a booking to perform a magic show for a Bar-Mitzvah in Joppa.
9. The 12 Days of Christmas refers to:
1. Proof that any gift larger than “five golden rings” is completely unmemorable.
2. The twelve days beginning Christmas Day and ending January 6 at the Feast of the Epiphany, where some Christians have historically given gifts.
3. How long it feels waiting in line to purchase those gifts the last days before Christmas.
4. Each of the days network television will air It’s A Wonderful Life.
10. The Virgin birth is central to the Christmas story because:
1. It fulfilled the prophecies given of the Messiah in Gen 3:15 and Isaiah 7:14.
2. It’s the only time the sermon of the real Parson Brown is more interesting than that of the snowman Parson Brown.
3. It gives those folks at the Discovery Channel a chance at another “documentary” seeking to debunk something.
4. Mary saturated everyone’s Instagram and Facebook timelines with baby pictures.

Answers:  1:C,   2:B,  3:D,  4:A,  5:A,  6:C,  7:D,  8:C,  9:B,  10:A

Image from A Christmas Story © 1983 Warner Bros. Movies. Used in accordance with fair use.